Sarcastic Status

Sarcastic Status

• Think I’m Sarcastic. Watch Me Pretend To Care.
• Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face when pushed down the stairs.
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
• Avoid arguments about the toilet seat…use the sink.
• I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around.
• If a stranger offers you a piece of candy.
• My internet is so slow it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.
• My IQ came back negative.
• Remember everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
• Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

Sarcastic Status In English

• Dear Lord there is a bug in your software…it’s called Monday please fix it.
• Gods are fragile things they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense.
• Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.
• Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
• Suicide: Mans way of telling God You can’t fire me I quit.
• Me: What kind of font is this.
• When wearing a bikini women reveal 90 % of their body… Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
• I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
• I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
• I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
• Facebook is telling me to “reconnect” with my brother…hmmm I see him everyday.

Sarcastic Status for WhatsApp

• Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue.
• As the joker said if you are good at something why do it for free.
• Congratulations If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode really.
• Going to temple church mosque doesn’t make you a human any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird strange sick twisted gross godless evil stuff and I want it.
• I wasn’t lying I was just writing fiction with my mouth.
• Upgrade your weekend Take Monday Off.
• I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
• If I promise to miss you will you go away.
• I’m not a bad guy I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell.
• I’m smiling. This should scare you.
• t takes two to lie… One to lie and one to listen.
• Living on Earth is expensive but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Sarcastic Status for Facebook

• We are born naked wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
• I love my life but it just wants to be friends.
• Don’t take life too seriously you won’t get out alive.
• A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.
• I never admit or deny anything it makes things more interesting.
• If something goes wrong at the office blame the guy who can’t speak English.
• If you can smile when things go wrong you have someone in mind to blame.
• Oh… Sorry… Did you mistake me for someone who cares.
• People say that laughter is the best medicine…my face must be curing the world.

Sarcastic Status for Instagram

• It takes patience to listen. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
• I wonder where my brother is his lunch is getting all cold and eaten.
• I didn’t climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
• No Déjà vu please… I Don’t want to go through that again.
• Waitress Do u have any questions about the menu.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• I’m a prince in Lagos Nigeria and I want you to help me move $500 million out of the country.
• There is no “me” in team. No wait yes there is.
• Don’t regret doing things regret getting caught.

Sarcastic Status In English, Sarcastic Status for WhatsApp, Sarcastic Status for Facebook, Sarcastic Status for Instagram