Facebook Status

Facebook Status

• You don’t have to like me I’m not a Facebook status.
• Nerd flirting: I wish I could select all of your clothes and press delete.
• I want to make my name on Facebook ‘Nobody’. So when I see someone post something stupid I can like it and it will say ‘Nobody Likes This’.
• In modern politics even the leader of the free world needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan.
• Delete me Poke me Like me Limit me. The choice is yours … Welcome to Facebook where no one is really your friend.
• Never challenge a guy to an arm-wrestling match who’s been single for more than 6 months.
• I’m wondering why logging onto Facebook has become a part of the everyday routine Do I really have nothing better to do.
• I’m going to invent a new pill called Niagra that stops erections. The slogan will be Viagra Rises Niagra Falls.
• Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you I did it just to increase my friend list.
• If you send me a friend request on Facebook and your profile picture is a car I will assume you’re a transformer.
• If you are reading this be happy you know how to read.
• Facebook is like a prison because you write on its walls.
• Facebook is asking ‘What’s on your mind but I think ‘Who’s on your mind is a better question.
• Sometimes I drink water. just to surprise my liver.
• I live in fantasy so don’t tell me your reality.
• Facebook is like the prison you write on walls and get poked by people you don’t know.
• You know what; the zoo is the best place to fart.
• Don’t argue with an idiot. They beat you with their experience.
• I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
• I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week how dare you.
• If you’re not supposed to eat at night why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator.
• I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones that’s why it’s called a cell phone.
• A broad smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth.
• Children in the back seat cause accidents accidents in the back seat cause children.
• First rule of Sundays If you can’t reach it from your couch you don’t need it.
• I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.

Facebook Status In English

• A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
• I know what you’re doing right now… You’re reading on my wall Right.
• Facebook is kind of like a prison. You spend all day staring at walls and getting poked by people you don’t know.
• Save a boyfriend for a rainy day and another in case it doesn’t rain.
• Quitting Facebook is the new adult version of running away from home. We all know you’re doing it for attention and we all know that you’ll be back.
• If your relationship status says It’s complicated then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to Single.
• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
• I might as well call you Google because you have everything that I am looking for.
• If my life was an action movie my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission and my mission would be going on Facebook.
• This dog is dog a dog good dog way dog to dog keep dog an dog idiot dog busy dog for dog 30 dog seconds dog  Now read without the word dog.
• The only reason why 30 guys liked your picture is that they can see right down your shirt.
• People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane until we invented smartphones and social media.
• Oh you’re popular on Facebook. That’s cool. I mean these days it’s easy to have 1500 friends that you’ve never met before.
• If we tell people the brain is an app maybe they’ll start using it.
• My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning.
• If I went to hell it would take me a week to realize I wasn’t at work.
• When you die the others around you suffer. Same when you are stupid.
• I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.
• My mother always used to say: The older you get the better you get unless you’re a banana.
• I’m not sure if I’m an introvert or just socially selective. Okay fine I’m an introvert.
• Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
• I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was it was my own.
• If I’m not back in five minutes just wait longer.
• I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.
• Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Facebook Status for WhatsApp

• No man goes before his time. unless his boss leaves early.
• Sometimes I prefer to use my face for emoticons.
• I’ve always loved the idea of not being who people expect me to be.
• Not everyone likes me. But not everyone matters to me.
• Quit looking for a reason to dislike me; I’m just naturally likable.
• I’d really post your name here every minute if Facebook keeps on asking me what’s on my mind.
• I’m going to open a new Facebook account named ‘Anonymous’ so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me.
• Come over to the dark side we’ve got candy.
• Don’t worry if plan A fails there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
• I asked God for a bike but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• Kids you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.
• Need something cool to say because you just slipped and fell Yep gravity still works.
• If you ever get an email about pork ham salt and preservatives don’t open it. It’s spam.
• I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven’t pooped it out yet. I’m really scared you guys.
• I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
• Travel the world until your Facebook’s check-ins finished.
• I’m jealous of my parents I’ll never have a kid as cool as them.
• Roses are red Facebook is blue No mutual friends Who the hell are you.
• It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
• Alcohol doesn’t solve any problem but neither does milk.
• If I don’t log into Facebook two days in a row call the police someone must’ve kidnapped me.
• Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.
• 9 out of 10 voices in my head say that I’m crazy. The tenth is humming.
• If you can’t see the bright side of life polish the dull side.
• I was s*exually harassed at work by my boss. But I don’t really mind. I’m self-employed.
• While the Poke option has its merits one can’t help but wonder when Facebook will introduce a Punch option.
• I’ve gone out to find myself. If I should arrive before I get back please ask me to wait.
• Who needs television when you have so much drama on Facebook.

Facebook Status for Facebook

• Got a problem with me. Solve it. Think I’m tripping. Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me Sit back down. Can’t face me. Turn around.
• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• When people ask me stupid questions it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.
• My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.
• Of course I have a talent. I’m really good in bed. Sometimes I sleep more than 9 hours in one go.
• If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate would you prefer dark white or milk chocolate
• I think I’m gonna take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower but with me in it.
• My ex-girlfriend’s status said suicidal and standing on the edge. So I poked her.
• The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.
• Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.
• Some people need to realize that Facebook is a social network not a diary.
• Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning.
• Sometimes I wish life was like facebook you can delete anyone off your page and go back and delete everything you have said and done.
• What can you do to promote world peace Go home and love your family.
• Your intelligence is my common sense.
• I’m sorry that I’m not updating my Facebook status my cat ate my mouse.

Facebook Status for Instagram

• Stop advertising your relationship on Facebook. Not everyone wants to see you happy.
• Kiss me and you will see how important I am.
• Long time ago I used to have a life until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
• Facebook should have a “No One Cares” button.
• Thanks to Facebook I now know what everyone’s bathroom looks like.
• Facebook is where hypocrisy falseness double standards rumors and depression meet up for coffee.
• You’re born free then you’re taxed to death.
• If people are talking behind your back then just fart.
• If I wanted to commit suicide I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
• As long as cocoa beans grow on trees chocolate is fruit to me.

Facebook Status In English, Facebook Status for WhatsApp, Facebook Status for Facebook, Facebook Status for Instagram